Don't Be Weak

Let's think about what it means to be weak. A Google search gives me the following definitions: 

1. lacking the power to perform physically demanding tasks; lacking physical strength and energy 

2. liable to break or give way under pressure; easily damaged

There are so many areas in our lives that we can be weak. I will start with these.

• Physically
• Mentally
• Emotionally 
• Spiritually
• Financially

There are going to be some areas of life that I am going to want to work on more than others. For example, I would never attempt to try to be as strong as a man. I may be able to compensate for my lack of physical strength by taking care of my body, learning self defense or purchasing and learning how to properly use a gu, but I can't say at present it is my greatest priority.

Mentally, no one wants to be mentally weak. Why? Well we all interact with people and we will all inevitably disagree and have arguments. It never feels good to walk away from an argument knowing that you have been defeated and have blind spots. 

Emotional weakness can lead to damage that is far reaching and doesn't heal well or quickly. We do however have the power to become emotionally resilient. There are skills people can learn that allow them to avoid emotionally damaging situations. There also skills we can develop to deal with emotional set backs and grieve loss and move on with hope for a brighter future. 

Spiritual weakness, this I feel should be my greatest priority. I can't say that I have given it the time and attention it needs as of late but I am constantly reminded of the cost of being weak in this area of my life. It is also the area that brings me the greatest rewards and allows me to hold my head the highest when I am living within the bounds of my conscience. It gives my soul purpose and meaning. I may at times have a hard life but at least I can have a life of meaning when I am growing spiritually. 

Financially, well this is always a work in progress. I would say that I am relatively satisfied in this area of my life.  I have put in the time and effort to educate myself, work hard and to be careful with the resources I have been given. I try to do good things with the funds that I do have. I have started to learn more about the stock market and although I have a lot to learn in this area it doesn't scare me in the ways it used to. I have come a LONG way from my childhood where I was constantly embarrassed that I didn't have the resources that other's had and that my family had to be a constant welfare case. If it taught me anything, it taught me to be grateful for what I have now. 

Why does any of this matter? It matters because it determines how much you like yourself. If you are weak in any areas mentioned above, you will suffer for your stupidity and failure. This will breed bitterness in your soul. When you despise yourself, it will make you vengeful and cruel to others. You will not be able to bear the structure of existence and you will torture yourself and others. 

Humility and honesty are key. You need to honestly recognize and accept where you are in each of these areas, as painful as it may be. No excuses. No exceptions. Take note and determine where you want to be. Decide what it will take to get there. Make a plan. Stop looking back to the past and move into the future. 

The bottom line is life is hard. It is supposed to be hard. It tells us of the trust God had in us when he sent us down here. If it were easy it would have been an insult. The good thing is that we can choose our hard but we must choose wisely. 

Squash City

So I am making my first attempt at an actual garden. I signed up for a plot with the Wasatch Community Garden and I actually ended up with two plots that I’m splitting with a roommate. I don’t really know what I’m doing but I am learning along the way and that’s what matters most. Of course I was going to plant lots of squash. My only worry is with all the different types of squash they will cross breed and give me something that’s not quite what I’m looking for. 

So far so good on the zucchini. I am hoping to get some good winter squash out of the mix as well.

One plant that I thought was a squash coming up turns out to be a sunflower. I did not plant any sunflowers there so it must’ve been a seed of somebody else’s from the previous year.

I am really impressed with my purple potatoes. They are hearty and they grow really well. They’ve gone through a few storms including a hailstorm and they look great.

I planted some spinach but that seems to have been eaten up by the birds or the bugs so I am trying to replace it with beets and see how that goes.

I will probably be keeping track of all of the produce I get from this garden so I can do a better job next year. Hopefully they let me come back to the garden next year. So far I’m really happy with everything including our garden manager Giles whose preferred pronouns are he and him. 

Conversion

I have been thinking about how much the Gospel of Jesus Christ means to me and how I don't think I have shared in on this Blog. I want to make sure it is written down. I know that it is recorded in a book of testimonies of the Anoka Stake in Minnesota, but somewhere along the way I have lost my copy of that book. I wanted to write it down before I forget any additional key details.

There are a few reasons that this has been on my mind. For one thing I have an old Jr. High friend living with me who is not a member of my faith and as I compare our lives and our life lessons I am very grateful for the ways I see things differently and how these teachings of the Gospel of Christ lead me to have greater happiness. I will probably write more on this topic later.

We have also been dealing with earthquakes along the Salt Lake Valley with a 5.7 out of Magna and they have a way to make you step back and examine your life.

The other thing is, it is a Sunday morning and we have been asked to refrain from meeting to take the sacrament due to COVID-19. We were able to meet in groups of ten or fewer last week but now we are asked by Governor Herbert to stay home. Since I don't have a priesthood holder in my home I just need to be without for a few weeks and create my own church of sorts.

Some of my earliest memories I have of the gospel were of excepting everything I was taught at church. I know I felt the spirit of God in my meetings and lessons. I trusted my parents who were fully committed to the gospel. Living in the Salt Lake area I was surrounded by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and it was a happy community for the most part. I thought the rest of the world was just like my tiny corner. I remember asking my father after watching the news why there were wars if almost everyone in the world was Mormon. He gave a chuckle but I don't remember a clear explanation to my very serious question.

I remember going to church alone some weeks as a young child. It was just a few blocks away. Always within walking distance in Utah. I am not sure why no one was with me but my parents were divorced at that time and my mom did a paper route and perhaps she was too tired to go. I think the only reason I remember this one particular Sunday was because I tripped going down a hill and must have landed on my hands and face because I remember having a scab down my nose for a week or two. I turned around and went home and my mom still encouraged me to go to church saying my teacher wanted me there but I was a mess and I was too embarrassed by how awful I looked.

I remember my baptism I remember wanting to play in the water but it was too peaceful of an occasion and I didn't want to change the mood by being rambunctious. I also remember a change in my soul and a feeling of peach when I was given the gift of the Holy Ghost. I felt as a member of the church I had certain responsibilities and I needed to take them seriously. This is me with my Bishop on my confirmation day.

When we moved to Minnesota, we had little to nothing. No car and church was a 20 minute drive. We went once or twice when we got a ride but then it just became too difficult. Even after we had a car, we were so out of the habit and as children we resisted and made it difficult for my mom to go, so we just stopped. Around the age of 12 I remember walking to the convenience store to get a treat with by babysitting money. I remember a strong feeling come over me that I needed to be at church. It seemed to come from no where and I thought, "I can't just go to church. I am a little girl and we don't have a car and who am I as one of the youngest in my family to tell them what to do?"

Later we had an interested Young Women's leader Becky Rogers that seemed to take an interest in our family. Here she is in the middle.

She invited us to activities which was about all we were ready for at that point. She was very consistent in offering us rides and being a good example. We went because we were bored and needed to get out of the house. It progressed to her inviting us to church and I would probably attend church meetings the most consistently. She would have her too youngest sit in the hatchback so I could have a seat. I was always impressed with the sacrifices she would make to be sure I attended whenever I could.

This was all well and good until it was time for a temple trip to Chicago. I needed a recommend to go. I told Becky that I wanted to go and be with everyone but I didn't want to talk to the bishop so I would just go and sit in the waiting room while everyone else was at the temple. She said that would be okay but that she really hoped I would be able to attend and feel the spirit there. I continued to consistently decline her offer. Until one night at mutual we were cooking something in the kitchen and the bishop came up to me and told me he wanted to speak to me. I was horrified and I looked at Becky like how could you have done this to me.

I was in the bishops office for what seemed like forever but was probably around an hour. I didn't want to talk at first. I was still a little frustrated that I was in that situation. Bishop Bigelow just kept reiterating that the Lord wanted to carry my burdens. I ended up crying and confessing and in the end, he told me that that things I had done were wrong but I could make restitution and that the Lord would forgive me. I could go into the temple.

I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from me and I knew at that point I was committed and I never wanted to feel the weight of my guilt and sins again. I went on to attend church and seminary regularly and feel the spirit in my life on a regular basis. The Holy Spirit consistently testified to me of many truths that helped me gain a stronger testimony.

It is amazing what you can forget when you have been away from church for a while, when you are not studying and when you are not praying. Somehow everything I knew to be true was lost as I wandered away. The spirit I once felt slowly dimmed until I had no place for it.

I think that this conversion process for me was much more serious to me at a younger age because I knew that I had taken it for granted and I didn't want to take it for granted again. I became like a sponge for information. I remember my favorite Young Women's leader Claudia Larson (pictured below) would tell me that she loved teaching me because my eyes were so intent on listening to every word she said and I was basically staring into her soul as she taught.

I just have so much gratitude for the many who have given of their time to teach me and guide me through life's ups and downs. They prepared me for challenges that I was going to face with faith and determination. Thanks be to God and his son Jesus Christ who made all of this possible. 

The Wim Hoff Method

Over this last month I have been learning what I can about a man named Wim Hoff. He seems to be part crazy person, part guru, part adventurer. Its like people want to put a label on him because they don't fully understand him and yet he seems to want to break out of the molds people are trying to place him in.  Why do I think he is so interesting? Perhaps it is because he has conquered the parts of himself that terrify me.

The fact that he can swim 57.5 meters under a frozen lake, or run a half marathon barefoot in snow and ice boggles my mind. Why would anyone want to do that? Some people have died trying to accomplish the things he does. He also doesn't seem to have a lot of sympathy for people who are terrified of the elements he has embraced.

The overall thing I think I have learned is the power of the mind over the body and the body's ability to adjust to and overcome stress. When I think about taking a cold bath or shower panic sets in and I go into fight or flight mode. My breathing slows and I just want to run away from even the idea.

Life has not been easy for him. He was married to a woman with schizophrenia who died jumping out of a building. I don't know if he just wanted to feel numb afterwards, but he was drawn to a frozen pond and he found himself spending more and more time in this pond. He didn't like the stares and the questions he would get from passers by so he started going after dark to spend time in this pond.

On one hand it is amazing to think about what the body can accomplish as we become in-tune with it and understand what is going on. Scientists have discovered that Wim can turn on the heat in his body, he can also turn off his immune system. This is not a genetic ability. He has an identical twin who doesn't have these super powers. He says his abilities are learned and anyone can learn to do what he does. It seems like embracing these extremes have made him turn inward instead of seeking an external solution to his problems. 

I big part of his abilities stem from a breathing technique he has developed in the cold water. It is a way to build up more oxygen flowing through. When you get into cold water, your body goes into shock and you go into fight or flight but he has found a way to overcome that shock and trust the body to do what it is supposed to do in such extremes, adjust and burn ABT or brown fat to keep you warm. 

I do recommend this book. It was very thought provoking for me. It took the skeptical author, Scott Carney, an ordinary man though the Wim Hoff method and by the end, four years later to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro in 28 hours and 6 minutes. A pace that would kill an ordinary person. This is normally done in 8 days so a person can acclimatize to the lack of oxygen in the thin air. 

Wim believes what he has learned by connecting with his body that has evolved over centuries has implications for people with autoimmune diseases, anxiety, depression and probably a host of other things. Two thumbs up from me. ;) 

My Programming

I have a friend who is really good at saying bad things about herself. I sent her this video and she responded with, "I am ruggedly handsome. I am ruggedly handsome. I am ruggedly handsome!" LOL!

After watching this video, I have been thinking about how we are programmed. Sometimes we have the right programming, other times we need to rewrite our programming. Some programs help us to live a good life, some programs hold us back. Makes me think of what George Lucas said, "We are all living in cages with the doors wide open."  I am sure that statement includes me. I am sure there are many things I could do with my life. I know I hold myself back in many ways. In Relief Society we have been talking about new beginnings through the Savior and that has made me think about what I can accomplish with the help of Christ. I am sure I am living below my privilege there.

I am sure some of the programming comes from the things we are told and believe about ourselves. Perhaps some of it comes from thinking errors that don't get corrected along the way. According to KlearMinds website, "Thinking errors are faulty patterns of thinking that are self-defeating. They occur when the things you are thinking do not match up with reality. This is sometimes also referred to as cognitive distortions. Those who commit thinking errors often don't realize they are doing so."

So how do we discover our thinking errors and how do they get corrected? I think for one thing, we have to be open to constructive feedback from others because we cannot always see these on our own. We have to be able and willing to dig in and find our errors and be willing to make the necessary changes in our lives. We have to talk to others about how they see things and be open to comparing their ideas with ours so we can expand our thought process.

Then there are those who benefit from therapy to correct these. I have been told that I need therapy, by a certain family member who shall remain nameless. Perhaps it would help, but I know I am pretty good at talking things out with family and people I feel close to.

How anxiety and depression plays into this whole process I am not the expert, so I won't try to be an authority in that area. I will leave that up to the professionals.

I have also thought back to a sociology class I took where we talked about logical fallacies. I am sure that every debate team is well versed in these so they can check all of their arguments before they are challenged on stage.  I think that we have all been guilty of these at sometime in our lives. We should consider and check our thinking for these errors.

I am open to your feedback if you see my bad programming or my thinking errors.

Hopes and Fears

I was able to connect with an old friend that I haven't talked to much in the last 20 years. Our lives have taken different turns. We came from very different backgrounds and have gone in different directions. As I was playing counselor with her and trying to discover why she felt so helpless in her life, she talked a lot about her relationship with her parents and I could sense a lot of anger and frustration. It seemed as if she was pushed into the grown up world unprepared for the problems that would come her way. She said that she and her brother were the type of people that waited for life to come to them and that they were not the types to go out and make life happen.

The truth is that when obstacles were in her path, she didn't work to overcome them, she avoided them completely and ran the other way. I remember back in Social Studies class, we did a government section and we were assigned to give a persuasive argument on hot topics. I remember I had to speak on euthanasia. Well when it was her turn to give her speech she just skipped class. I think the teacher knew how terrified she was and made special arrangements for her to turn a paper in or just give her speech to him so she didn't fail the class, but as we were talking I noticed a pattern of avoiding every challenge that came her way. 

I used to envy her life. She was the daughter of a successful actor with plenty of bucks in the bank. She has been to exciting places and mingled with some "important" people. I no longer envy her. She doesn't feel she had much in the way of love from her parents. She seems paralyzed by her fears, unable to chase her dreams and living a shadow of the life she could have. I have to say that back in Junior High I had high hopes for her. She was creative and artistic. She did well in her classes. She seemed like a bright young lassy. 

I am not claiming to be an expert, but It seemed to me that because she has not controlled her fears, her fears have controlled her life. She is paralyzed by tasks that seem like no big deal to me. I can't say I know what the solution should be for her but it seems to me that she needs to build her confidence by overcoming some of her fears. She can start out small and work her way up.

Today at church we were talking about 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I believe that as we  have faith in Christ and strive to overcome our fears, the Lord will guide us and strengthen us until we overcome. I see it in my sister who has just overcome her fear of flying and took a flight with her family to Florida. I can say that I am grateful for the challenges that have come my way because they have given me confidence to progress in my life and gain a greater freedom.

I Already Hit the Jackpot

Today we were talking about Romans in our Sunday School class. I was reminded of a story I heard when I worked for Seminaries and Institutes. I think it all took place maybe in Connecticut.

There was a nonreligious young man with a very sick father. The father who couldn't really get out of bed but to pass the time he liked to check the power ball numbers. His son would buy him a lottery ticket every day for him to check. Well his father got more and more sick and was less and less interested in checking the numbers. Eventually the numbers were just stuffed into a drawer and forgotten about.

They later were watching the news and heard that the winning numbers had been purchased but they were never claimed and if they hadn't been claimed that night by midnight the prize would be forfeited. They searched the drawer and found that they had the winning ticket. It was late and the Lottery office was closed. He decided that he could just go there when the office reopened and they would give him the millions, not knowing that he could take the ticket to any convenience store that sold lottery tickets to claim his winnings. He was told by the lottery offices that he missed the deadline and he would not be able to claim the funds.

He fell into a deep depression and his friends could see how unhappy he was so some decided to invite him to Institute class. He continued to work through his depression and eventually became converted and decided to be baptized. At his baptism he spoke and said that he was glad he didn't win the money because he knows he would not have done good things with it. He was grateful to have the gospel instead.

So in class today, we read this...

 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:17-18

It just made me think about how we have already won more than the Lottery. If you want to look at it in terms of luck we who have the gospel of Jesus Christ are some of the luckiest people that have ever lived on planet earth. Sure that belief requires faith but I imagine the reward we will receive will be eternal and worth much more than can be given to us in this life.

I also really like this video from Prager U about gratitude. The more grateful we are for Heavenly Father, his plan and his Son, the happier we will be in life.